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Some years ago I was driven to committing rape. I don't know which was the bigger crime: me raping that poor woman or the world turning its back on me, leaving me no option but a life of raping women. I'd never had much luck with the ladies.

So, anyway, I'll tell you how it all began. We were dancing in a club, like animals, but when I leant in for a kiss she recoiled in horror. I followed her outside, pushed her up against a wall and did my thing. A few seconds after it had all started there was an incredible voice inside my head, a voice unlike any other. It was like warm liquid splashing against the side of my brain.

"Darren," it said "this is God." Wow, I thought. God! My head felt like it was going to explode, like I was going to disappear in a explosion of a thousand tiny pieces, but the only thing that vanished was my erection. Nothing puts you off sex like a message from God, I'll tell you that for nothing. Armed with nothing but a floppy cock I had no choice but to flee.

Some months later I found myself in the exact same situation, doing a rape in a urine filled alleyway.

"Darren, this is God, you..."

It was God again. I still couldn't believe he knew my name. God! The man who made the world! The voice was as incredible as ever. So deep, so high, so loving. Sadly His voice drove away all the blood for my penis, and I was once again forced to flee the scene of my crime feeling slightly unfulfilled, but only physically.

Over the next few years I raped over 250,000 women. Sometimes I'd be on a bus and there wouldn't be a single woman I hadn't forced sex upon. It was awkward. Every act had been accompanied by that message from God, "Darren, this is God", but I was always so surprised and overjoyed to hear it I went soft in a heartbeat. I couldn't get enough of the voice. I was addicted. It must have been an important message, otherwise he wouldn't have kept trying.
"Don't give up, God!" I'd cry as I'd run home afterwards. "We'll get there!".

I was bound to get caught sooner or later. If you rape enough women, you'll eventually rape a police woman and they hate it. I was sentenced to one hundred billion years in prison. The joke was very much on them, because nobody in my family had ever lived past 75.

Prison was pretty much how I expected it to be, but with less socks filled with snooker balls. Part of me felt I shouldn't be in there. God had spoken to me. I was special, I didn't belong with the scumbags. I was annoyed that I'd never got to hear the full message, it did seem like a bit of a waste.

Anyway, I kept myself to myself, but one day I found myself getting raped in the shower.

"Wait, a goddamn minute" I said "You can't rape a rapist!" So I kicked the guy's legs away from him, making him slip on the wet soapy floor. Feeling a bit violated, I decided to get my revenge, so I raped him. Raping a man is a lot different to raping a woman, but I had gone so long without it. It was like going back to the house you grew up in and finding a new family living there, but you still had some stuff in the attic. Once I was in my full swing I heard the voice again. Oh, that heavenly voice.

"Darren, this is God." he said "You really shouldn't rape people."

Darren, Prison.

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