Nature's a funny thing, but not in a humorous way. As you probably know, only 0.1% of the rainforests have been explored. It's generally assumed that the cures for all diseases are in there somewhere, but there are more important mysteries hidden away amongst the trees and moss.

A few months ago my girlfriend left me. At the time I didn't see it coming, but I suppose she hadn't been happy for a while. As you'd expect, I was heartbroken. I couldn't eat, sleep or muster an erection. My best friend was in Spain when it happened, so it was a week before I had anyone to talk to about it. He told me that my solution could be found in the rainforest. I didn't believe him at first, but he had a speech prepared.

"Nature's a funny thing" he said "but not in a humorous way. We know more about the surface of the moon and the bottom of the ocean combined than we do about the most heavily explored areas of the rainforest. Nature is capable of producing anything. Did you know that there's a plant that grows in the deepest parts of the rainforest which is identical to a scart lead, a fully functional scart lead created through photosynthesis? Almost anything your heart desires can be found in the rainforest, you just have to look hard enough."

"How is that going to help?" I asked "Am I supposed to find an exact plant replica of my girlfriend?"

"No, you'll find a better one."

So off I set on my adventure, if you can call it that. I fought dragons, climbed mountains, defeated a witch in a test of wisdom, ate my own shoelaces and befriended a Chinese speaking gorilla. For six months I searched for the woman of my dreams. I found many things; an egg which always pointed north, a flower which produced an ever burning light and a box that stored the dreams of dead sailors, but none of these useless items were any use in helping me with my quest.

Eventually I gave up and came back home. I went straight to my friend's house to complain about my wasted journey, but once again he had a speech prepared. He explained that my quest wasn't about finding my dream woman. It was about the search and me growing as a person, something to take my mind off my ex-girlfriend.

"There never was a woman to find" he said. I was gutted.

Giles, Stockton-On-Tees.

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