Oh, my penis. Where do I begin? I have a very large penis, but only some of the time. I am cursed with a reverse penis. Only ten men have ever had one. Hitler had one, Tom Cruise has one and so do I. It gets smaller when it gets erect, which is no good for anyone.
If I'm about to have sex with a lady it's almost always erect, so I'm faced with laughter, or even worse a pat on the back and a sympathetic "It's ok".
The trouble is when I shower with men they see my huge penis and tell women about it, leaving the ladies disappointed when they see it. Even if I can hold off the erection just before I'm about to have sex with a woman, nine times out of ten she'll be put off by its devastating mass. It's a lose lose situation.
Uncle Billy, Devon.