I saw some very strange graffiti on the bus stop this morning. It was a kind of comic strip, which I shall now convert into a completely worded format for you.

Halley's comet, the comet that you all know and love is not a comet at all. It's a football.

In 2061 the good people of Nike were experimenting with new ball and boot technology in an underground lab somewhere far far away. They wanted an indestructable ball and boot which could withstand the force of an exploding sun, just in case. They thought they'd found the right material in the rainforest, a plant which was made up of the same DNA as the stuff seconds and minutes are made of.

To put the goods to the test they breeded a man with an ant, and then breeded the child with a nuclear bomb. When the child was sixteen they chopped off his leg and grafted it onto a donkey. They put the boot on the donkey and let him kick the ball with all his might. What happened? The ball broke through the safety net, through the wall of the lab and carried on going.

It was kicked so hard that it will never stop. Such is its DNA, though, it is only visible backwards through time, and it was soon spotted in 1985 and 1910. Not before long it appeared on the Bayer Tapestry and was being seen by the ancient people of the ancient world.

Legend has it that the Ancient Greeks spotted the ball flying over Mount Olympus and this is where they got the name Nike for the goddess of victory. Was it a victory though? Would the ball last forever if it went so deeply into the past that it arrived before the Big Bang and ceased to exist?
However, there are some scientists who believe that the Big Bang was actually started by the ball colliding with the first atom, and, in that sense, everything in the universe is made up of the ball and always will be.

It was a nice bit of graffiti, but you can't beat a good cock and balls.

Leon, London.

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