In 1996 I had just started comprehensive school. There were new friends to make and also enemies. I was sitting in English one morning and Miss Rawlins was absent, so we had a student teacher instead. Student teachers like to be down with the kids, some even want to get down with the kids. So she brought up the subject of the Spice Girls.
"Right! You. Which Spice Girl would you most like to go out with?" she said whilst pointing at me. I couldn't believe the inappropriateness of the question, I was just an 11 year old boy, I had no cares for girls and the comings and goings out with them. The seriousness of the situation was amplified by the class being relatively new and there not being any strong bonds yet. My answer would shape the next five years of my life. If I should choose correctly, I could end up as Head Boy. If I chose incorrectly, I could end up a dead boy. It was just like that scene with the knight in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.
My first thoughts were of Sporty. Football was and still is a sport, would I win over the popular sporty types of the class by picking her? But then I recalled that she was rumoured to be a lesbian, although the thought of a young lesbian is appealing to me now, such a beast would not be to any 11 year olds liking.
Then came Geri. "Hmmmm, Geri" I thought. She was perhaps my favourite, but I could not risk picking a woman with ginger hair in front of 30 other children.
Then came Posh, "no way" I thought. Nobody wants a posh girl or a girl with brown hair, they like blondes. Naturally I skipped scary for being more monster than human and went straight to Baby. She was blonde, everyone loves a blonde She was the perfect choice.
"Baby Spice, Miss" I squarked. Feeling that I would now be ok in everyone's eyes, I was rather pleased with myself, but that did not last long. There were immediate cries of "No way", "Get out of it", "Posh is the best". It soon became clear that Victoria Adams was the popular choice.
Every single thing that went wrong for me in school for the next five years could be attributed to that one wrong answer. So remember kids, whenever someone asks you which spice girl you want to go out with, don't be a fool, pick Posh Spice.
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