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When he said he wanted to eat his way to China I assumed he meant trying all the cuisine from here to Asia. I should have known he meant literally eating through the Earth. He's been an idiot since the day we met. I told him it was impossible.

"What about all the molten lava? It's too hot. " I said.

"Baby, you aint tried my mother's curries."

I don't know which was more weird: the fact that he thought he could eat through the Earth's core, or that he called me "baby".

Alan, Preston.