I'm not ashamed to say that I'm the most naturally gifted darts player of all time. I was born with a dart in my hand. The doctors couldn't explain it, but when I stopped crying and threw the dart into the eye of a passing swallow, it just seemed to make sense. Sadly I have never won a game of darts in my life. Being such a gifted "sportsman" from a young age has made me arrogant, a showboat, a performing monkey.

When I find myself in a competitive match, be it on tv or in my local pub, something inside my heart makes me aim for the bullseye everytime. Sure enough, I never miss. It looks impressive and the ladies love it. When a lady sees a man throw a bullseye she knows that he can give her many orgasms, but I'm losing ten points everytime I don't go for the treble twenty. Plus it's mathematically impossible to score 501 by only throwies fifties.

Clive, Manchester.

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