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My first novel blew the minds of all who read it. It was a conventional coming of age tale set in 1950s suburban America filled with carnivals, lost baseballs and first kisses. Just an ordinary story, right up until the last chapter where I unleashed the biggest twist in literary history: it turned out that the main character had been a lizard the whole time.

My second novel was a traditional love story set during the First World War. Nobody could have predicted that I’d use the exact same twist as my first novel. It blew their minds.

A lot of publicity surrounded the release of my third novel, which I still regard as my greatest work. Bookmakers were taking bets over whether or not my main character would be revealed to be a lizard. You could get odds of 1000 to 1 on there being a lizard twist, because nobody could believe I would dare to use the lizard twist three times in a row. I’d like to say a lot of people got rich off that bet, because come the final chapter there were lizards everywhere, but not a single person took the bet. It was just too unlikely.

In 2010, at the actor’s request, I wrote Al Pacino’s biography. I explained that I would almost certainly add a twist at the end, most likely a lizard. He said that would be fine. The book blew people’s minds, because soon after its release Al Pacino revealed himself to be a lizard.

Homer, London.