Out on the balcony Joey Barton lifted his gun into the air and fired twice. He knew that it was very unlikely that his bullets would reach the Moon, but he had hope that the second might collide with the first to give it an extra boost. If just one bullet could reach the vacuum of Space then at least he was making progress.

Joey went back inside and checked his Twitter. 4,394 new mentions. Yes, he had made a mistake, but these people didn't know the full story. Two days before the Man City game, Joey had entered his shed and found his spaceship in ruin. The Gravity Infused Unmanned Lunar & Interstellar Attacker had wires spilling from its guts. He would never fix it in time. There would be at least one more full moon for Joey Barton.

What people don't understand is that every thought and action ever conducted by Joey has in someway been influenced by the Moon. Its milky whiteness sends shivers down his spine, its sea of craters haunt his dreams, the American flag pierces his aching heart. He has spent his life in agony, forced to play football solely because it is his only means of earning enough money to build his spaceship, a spaceship which will one day destroy the Moon.

Joey became angry. It is only in these moments of pure anger that he is able to see clearly. He began to search for clues, anything which might lead him to the saboteur. He noticed something on the broken plasma cannon - a finger print. A finger print he knew very well. It belonged to Sergio Aguero.

Joey chuckled to himself. He would have his revenge.

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