You’re quite right, neither of my arms are broken, or even injured, but I am indeed wearing both of them in slings. Just think of the energy I’ll save between now and the time I die! All of that unnecessary arm carrying is, well, unnecessary. I wouldn’t be surprised if I use all of this saved energy to become king of Asia one day.

A couple of weeks ago I confronted a guy walking with two crutches. I accused him of stealing my idea. It turned out that he had shattered his spine in a car accident which took the lives of both his wife and only child.