He plunged the knife into what he thought was my heart. Luckily for me, he went for his left instead of mine, and the knife went harmlessly into my lung. Thank the Lord I was born with a spare. I decided to leave the blade where it was, because he was less likely to stab me again if he didn’t have the knife. The paramedics arrived half an hour later. All in all it was one of our worst Christmases, but I stand by what I said; Only Fools and Horses just isn’t funny.