I had just one goal in life: to become the first serial killer in Britain to capture the heart of the nation by literally carving out the hearts of nonces and rapists and giving them to orphans in need of a heart transplant. It was a plan that couldn't fail, but fail it did.

The Daily Mail said I had no right to break into orphanages at night and perform surgery on unsuspecting children, especially children who already had healthy hearts.

Yes, I'll admit that I didn't always get the right child, but that's one of the drawbacks of performing surgery under the cover of darkness.

They also said I shouldn't have worn the old hearts as a hat, but what do they know about fashion?

Simon, Brecon.

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