Back in '95 I heard in a schoolyard that rain was God having a piss. I was only eight at the time and had no reason to disbelieve. I won't tell you what the kids were saying about snow. It was disgusting. Anyway, as I grew wiser I learned that rain wasn't divine urine at all. Those kids had punked me.
So, last year I went on a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend. It was raining, but it didn't ruin the day. I told her the story about how I used to think that rain was God's piss and she told me that in her school they used to say that rain was God's tears. I told her my school's take on rain was better and more real, because God probably didn't cry.
As we sailed through the air in a big red balloon the engine thingy malfunctioned and overheated. It sent us higher and higher, until eventually we were too high. We'd gone so high we reached Heaven. There was a man sitting on his own on some steps. He was crying. My girlfriend and I got out of the balloon and went over to see if he was ok.
"Are you ok, mate?" I asked. I had startled him, making him jump to his feet as he tried to wipe his tears away before he looked at me. It was too late though, I'd already seen them. His nametag said God, but most of the d had faded away.
"Why are you crying?" my girlfriend asked.
"Oh, it's nothing" he said.
"Go on" I said "you can tell us. What's wrong?"
"No, it's nothing" he said "Leave it. I'm fine." trying not to look me in the eye.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm alright. I'm fine, it's nothing."
"Ok then, we'll leave you to it then" I said. And we left. As we got back into the balloon I could see that he'd sat back down on the step and was crying again. Despite what he said, there must have been something wrong, people don't cry for no reason. Maybe he just didn't want to say anything in front of my girlfriend.
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