Eskimos might have seven hundred different words for snow, but they've never been able to come up with a word that captures the feeling you get when you're called up for jury duty for a murder you committed. Their words cannot convey the equal measure of relief at knowing you aren't a suspect, and panic at the thought of being pointed at by a witness during the proceedings. They just don't have a word for it. Luckily those of us blessed with the English tongue need only describe the feeling as "Snookercruised".

Mary, Islington.

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