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You probably wouldn't recognise me, but I'm the greatest child actor who ever lived. I was robbed of my childhood, but you'd never see me in any film. There was never an audition I didn't nail, there was never a part I didn't get, but there was never a film that didn't have my scenes cut when they reached the editing room in a bid to reduce the running time.

I blame my agent. Not once in my entire childhood did he find me a role that was essential to the story. I'm not bitter. I have my parents who stole my millions of dollars, the dead look in my eyes and my dependency on prescription medication, nearly everything a former child actor needs, just not a face that people can say "Oh, he hasn't aged well" about, because they never got to see it in the first place.

Mikey, San Francisco.