I’m sure we’ve all had a good laugh at America and their amnesia. I bet some of you are watching a hit America drama right now and crying to the heavens “Amnesia! He can’t have amnesia; his wife had amnesia last week! Full families of people don’t just have amnesia all the time.” I thought it was just a cheap writing tool, but how wrong I was. So if you’re crying to the heavens right now, you’d better stop, because you’re making a fool of yourself.

Two months ago, I went on a routine holiday (or vacation!) to America, and within two hours of stepping off the plane I had a pretty bad case of Amnesia.
In a bid to get to the bottom of it, I got to the bottom of it. I won’t tell you the details of my investigation, because it was too thuggish for the scientists, and too scientific for the thugs.

My discovery was this: Shampoo. For all these years it’s been the American hair soap makers who have been washing away more than just dandruff and hair dirt. They’ve been washing away memories. A secret ingredient, most likely brought in from the nearest rainforest, has been causing all this amnesia.

The reason is thus: After washing their hair, the American will become disorientated and filled with short term memory loss. Unable to remember whether or not they have washed their hair, they wash it again. Why? The Shampoo runs out twice as quickly, and the shampoo makers become the richest villains in the entire world as sales double or treble. Sadly nearly 40% of Americans are genetically more open to amnesia and can end up going through an entire bottle in one visit to the shower, leading to more serious long term memory loss, the kind which you are probably seeing on your television at this very minute.

Can’t Remember, London.


  1. I was going to say something poignant in response to this, but being American I forgot what that was.

    Damn shampoo memory loss!

    Oh yeah, I use Aveda shampoo and buy it over here in London, so surely I don't suffer from the Amnesia of which you speak.

    Now what was I doing?

  2. If i could remember i why i want to shave my head right now i might actully do it.... as it is...erm....