I first realised that human beings were heading in the wrong direction when I saw that they were sleeping next to clocks which had the primary function of causing alarm. Hating yourself was the new doing nice things to make yourself feel good, and so, I saw an opportunity to make myself a very rich man; Misery Workshops, expensive classes teaching you how to be as miserable as humanly possible.
Sadly nearly every customer I had mistook what I meant by misery workshop, and thought it was a support group to get rid of the sadly. Most of my teachings had a devastating effect on these already devastated people, and 80% of them committed suicide soon after their first lecture. Even worse, in a bid to raise interest I offered the first lesson for free, so I never became rich. Everyone lost out.
P. Wilson, Chicago.