Films that might get made:

To Helen Back: The Andersons of 666 Hellfire Terrace keep getting mail for a woman named Helen Back, but according to the council nobody with that name has ever lived at that address. What the hell is going on?

Punk'd You, Asian: Ashton Kutcher's hit show hits the big screen. Twitter's number one son travels to India and messes up all of their legal documents by removing all the commas, with hilarious consequences. Will it start an international conflict?

Parrots of the Caribbean: Remake of the original using the exact same script, but with all the actors replaced by CGI parrots, thus alienating all of the adults who were surprisngly impressed by the original. A box office smash!

Super-Man: The story of Marvel trying to outfox DC's lawyers by making their own Superman film by adding a hyphen to his name.

Pistol, Smoke: Michael Cera plays Johnny Pistol, a young man struggling to cope with peer pressure as his friends encourage him to smoke. Are they really his friends?

Ex-Stacey: From the producers of Pistol, Smoke, comes a touching drama about a young girl, Stacey Drinkwater, who dies after taking ectasy for the first time, which has the wonderful knock on effect of bringing her parents closer together after years of unhappy marriage.

Only In America: Morgan Freeman narrates a list of items only available in the USA.

Deadline: Postman, Ewan Mcgregor, is the last but one man on Earth and about to face his toughest assignment yet; deliver a package to the last man on Earth (Mel Gibson) before a deadly virus wipes out all mankind.

Mario Prologue: A young Italian carpenter puts himself through plumbing school whilst trying to raise his younger brother.

Spaghetti and Meatballs: Partners Detective John Bangers and Vince Mash are the laughing stock of the police force. Tired of the daily bullying they both get their names changed without telling the other with hilarious consequences.

Rock-E: In the distant future, Rocky Balboa is more machine than man and he's the last boxer on Earth. Who will fight him? Nobody.


  1. I went to school with a girl called Helen Back. Everyone fancied her -- which is suspicious I suppose -- but then she did look a bit like Sarah Michelle Gellar.

  2. I laughed a lot reading this, that just made my day much better, thanks a lot. :)

  3. "Only In America: Morgan Freeman narrates a list of items only available in the USA."

    Solid gold, yo.