Women don't respond well to violence, or so they say. But look at that Cupid fella, shoot a couple of ladies with a bow and arrow and they're ready for love, or at least some kind of dry humping. It's not practical to carry such weaponry these days, because they won't let you on the Tube. You need a gun, or at least a knife. I haven't tried it myself, because I'm a beautiful man and I don't need such tactics.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I was supposed to be saying something about muggings. So, yeah, scientists say it's impossible for a woman to fall in love with a man whilst he's mugging her, but that's how my parents met. My father was no low life, he was just trying to put himself through medicine school. By day he studied, by night he stole from the innocent, weak and beautiful. There was nothing wrong with it really. The way he saw it he would probably save their lives once he became a fulltime doctor or it was their own fault for not being trained in self defence.

It was a cold winter night when my dad pulled a small sword on my mother. He looked into her deep, fear filled eyes and said "Give me that goddamn diamond ring, but only because one day I want to buy you one twice as big." It wasn't the most romantic of proposals, but how could she say no? He had a sword, for god's sake.

David, NYC.


  1. I only hope my proposal is that romantic someday but with a machete. Nothing says "I'm a real man" like am machete

  2. Classic stuff. Keep it coming.