I'd only met the genie once, but he was really keen on granting me three wishes. You don't meet people like that very often, especially at the gym. I know what you're thinking, gay, gay, gay, but he really wasn't.

My life was lacking a certain drama at the time and I wanted it to be like in the movies, so I asked him to change my life into black and white. Yes, I know it was a really pretentious thing to do, but I didn't want to be boring like all those people who wish for money or tentacles.

I tried it out for a week, but my life seemed as meaningless as ever. So the next time I saw him at the at the gym I asked him to give me subtitles. "Right, this is it!" I thought. There was no way that my life was going to be mundane anymore, not if it was in black and white and had subtitles like all those foreign films you get sometimes.

So I did what I thought I was supposed to do on my third wish, thinking that I was sorted, and set the genie free. Boy, did I make a big mistake.

My wife found out about the genie the next week and got really mad at me for "wasting" my three wishes and she left me. Finally my life had some drama, real hard hitting stuff, all I needed when she left me in the park was for it to start raining, and it did! It really did. I was in drama heaven.

Then, after she left, I couldn't keep up with the mortgage repayments and my house got reposessed. I really should have wished for the money.

Tom, SW19.

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