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People said she was a beautiful, like a rose or something, but, to be honest, I found her offensive to almost all five senses. She always smelled surprisngly fresh, like mint or pine or something.

She never thought for herself. If she went shopping and someone had left their shopping list in the trolley she'd end up buying everything on there.

She always said that no matter what she accomplished during her time on Earth, if she got killed by a snake she would consider her life a complete failure.

She'd buy those magazines that are always advertised on tv, the ones that cost 99p for the first issue, but cost £4.99 thereafter and teach you about Egypt or some bullshit and come with a handpainted figurine. "I'll get them all" she'd say, and I could tell she meant it, but come issue two she'd lost interest. Her garage is still full of them.

Kissing her was strange. The only feeling I can compare it to was being in the girl's toilets in school. You knew you shouldn't be there, you were completely overwhelmed by the situation, but wanted to act like it was perfectly natural, completely cool, because you did it all the time, but god knows why you had to pretend you were always doing it.

Nothing scared her more than people clapping along to a song.

I'm convinced that if you cut her she would have bled the word evil instead of blood, like alphabet spaghetti, but just the letters E, V, I and L.

I can't say she was my friend, but I miss her and I'm sad that she was killed by a snake.


Tony, England.