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There is no greater shame than being banned from every library in the world. It was my first time in the British Library and I think the grandness of it might have overwhelmed me slightly. I stole a pen from a blind man and set about making changes to every children's book I could lay my hands on.

Wherever I found a story that ended with "And they all lived happily ever after", I crossed it out and scribbled "And they all died sad alone" in a bid to prepare the poor children for the real world.

John, Leicester.

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