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The pilot appeared from the cockpit, a solitary tear running down his face. He was naked from the waist down and clutching his penis tightly. Many of the passengers instinctively knew what this meant and began to undress.
"I'm afraid we're going down." announced the pilot "It's very unlikely that we'll survive. Please, join me."
And so, the passengers of Flight 565A from London to Madrid began to masturbate. Soon the aisle ran thick with semen. Many of the passengers, having seen the film "Alive" had already begun to eat each other.

A week later, the pilot was dismissed from British Airways. He begged for leniency, but BA operated a three strike policy. There was nothing they could do.